Cancer Update - May 2003

Hello all,
First of all, I want to say thank you to everyone who has called, emailed and sent cards. I'm so sorry that I can't reply to every one of you individually, I'm doing the best I can to stay on top of it, but the chemo has me very tired most of the time, and when I do have energy, there are other things that have been a higher priority, such as spending some lost time with my kids and family.
Anyway, I want you to know that I get every message, and read every card and email. They really do help, so please, keep them coming. Most of you just simply want to know how it's going. I thought I'd wait until I had a few treatments before I answered that question:
The first treatment was a breeze. My hopes soared after that and I thought this was definitely going to be do-able. All I had was a mild headache that never did go away until just recently, but that was it. They told me my hair would fall out about two weeks after my first treatment, so I had my friend, Barb, cut my hair VERY short in sort of a tousled, spikey-ish style all over my head (think, Halle Berry or Racquel Welch). My mom thought it would make the transition to "cue ball" much easier. Not just for me but for those around me that have to look at me all day. Especially my little ones who don't completely understand what's going on. It looks really great, she did a terrific job. The first day I went out, I had two different women with long gorgeous hair walk up to me and say, "Oh… I WISH I had the courage!! What a great style!" Barb and another friend, Diane, also bought me a bunch of great scarves and a book on how to wrap a bunch of different head-styles. What beautiful, thoughtful friends I have. My mom cautioned me against wearing it too turban-like. She doesn't think that would be the smartest thing to do right now. Ha. Just kidding.
The good news is, here it is, seven weeks after my first treatment, and I still have my hair. The chemo nurses are a little pessimistic and they keep telling me that it will fall out eventually, but I'm thinking positive, and we'll just see. It is thinning a little bit. There are a few more strands on the sink in the morning than there usually is, but I've always had a head full of thick hair, so it's going to take more than a few strands to make me look like a chemo patient. It certainly isn't falling out in clumps like they said it would. It has kind of ruined my idea for a halloween costume this year, though. Jacqui and I were going to go as Dr. Evil and mini-me. Hee hee.
The second treatment was definitely no fun. The headache got really bad and the nausea really hit me good, too. Dr. Stewart said the headache was a nerve reaction to the "V" drug in my "ABVD" regimen. She said it happens in about 10% of patients and should resolve itself by the third treatment. I spent all day in bed one day. It took me about four days to start feeling somewhat normal again. Mom went home then I had to have her come back again because I was exhausted just trying to take care of Jacqui during the day and get Jaden to school and back every day.
The third treatment was even a bit worse. I don't think it would've been so bad, except that the family was passing around a cold, and I caught it, too. It took me over a week to feel okay again.
Then one night last week, I woke up in the middle of the night with a fever and we had to go to the ER at 4:00 a.m. Chemo makes your white cell count drop and if you have a fever, the doctor gets very concerned because that's one of the bodies responses to an infection. With no white cells to fight it, it can get very serious very quickly. Well, they gave me a shot of a drug called Nupegen in the ER, which stimulates the bone marrow to make more white cells. It worked really well, but it caused a lot of achiness and throbbing in my bones. Very weird and painful sensation. This happened the day before I was supposed to get my fourth treatment, but Dr. Stewart put it off until Tuesday, so I was able to relax and enjoy Memorial weekend, and get healthy again. I honestly felt better this past weekend than I have in a couple years. I had lots of energy and it felt so good. Just a side note, the doctor in the ER was someone Dean and I knew in college, Megan Hendricks. We didn't know she'd become a doctor and were very proud of her and had a few laughs while we were there (for FOUR hours, but that's another story I don't feel like whining about here).
Hopefully, the next treatment won't be so bad, since I don't have the cold to contend with anymore. I'll be a third of the way through (12 treatments, minimum). I'm supposed to have another CT scan soon, I think, to see how well it's working. I can tell you that I can't feel the lumps on my neck anymore, and they were the size of grapes at the beginning, so I know it's working. That's the only thing that keeps me going back. I can't believe that I actually get in the car and drive myself there willingly to let them do this to me every other week. It's all starting to mess with me mentally, a little bit. I realized last week that I haven't really felt 100% since I got pregnant with Jacquelyn, which was a year and a half ago. I'm really sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I'm already ready to be done with this nonsense, and I still have nine treatments to go. Sigh. Dad keeps telling me to "get my Smith up". :-) I'm trying.
They do have good drugs to counteract the side effects. One of the nausea prescriptions I have is $75 PER PILL!!! Can you believe that?! You have to wonder if the drug companies or the pharmacies aren't taking advantage of sick people who really need these drugs. But it works, and I'm grateful. I HATE throwing up, that has to be one of the worst feelings in the world. The Nupegen shots are $250.00 apiece. Crazy. Thank God for insurance. I'm also taking the enzymes, and Dr. Miller thinks that they're the reason why I still have my hair and am not experiencing drastic side effects. The chemo nurses tell me I'm just "sailing" through this. Whee. I have a dozen prescriptions in my cupboard to manage side effects. I can't imagine what they think a difficult patient is. I feel like I'm popping pills all day long.
Also, my neighbor, Colleen, and another friend, Bobbie, are coordinating meals to be brought to our house three nights a week by our friends in the hockey community. I can't believe that there are enough people out there in the hockey community who want to do this that nobody has to bring a meal twice in a six month period. That amazes me. Many of them don't even know me, they just know Dean and want to help HIM out. I'm just the lucky one who married the guy. The meals have been an absolute God-send. Most nights, I don't feel like cooking, and when I'm tired like this, we would probably end up doing a lot of take out or mac-n-cheeze. That's not how I should be eating, especially when I'm sick. Also, the chemo can suppress the appetite, but the meals have been fabulous and very appetizing. I'm getting a lot of good recipes, too. I'm defintely going to pass this kindness on one day, it's a terrific idea.
In total, it certainly hasn't been fun, but I am finding little bits of happy news here and there. Most of all, I’m so thankful for my mother. She's been amazing. She stays with me for a whole week after a treatment and takes care of my kids and house. She knows exactly what time Jaden has to be at school and never forgets show and tell or snack day, she knows how I like my towels folded and how Dean likes his meals cooked. She knows when to spoon feed me and when to tell me to get off the couch and get it myself. If she wasn't married, I'd marry her myself and move her in for good. I honestly don't know how people do this and continue working and living their lives. Maybe it's just because I don't HAVE to go to work, but I really can't fathom it. I guess I'm a wimp.
I'm going to email out a photo of the new hairdo and my kids as soon as I fix an error in my scanner. Again, thanks so much for all the emails, cards and phone calls. Thanks, more than anything, for the prayers. I believe in their power and that God is the great physician. If I'm meant to survive this, he'll see to it. Keep em coming. Our family doctor is a Christian man and he told me that this was a great opportunity to be a wonderful testimony for those around me and also that it gives me credibility in the future to support others who have to suffer through this or worse fates. I found that so inspirational. I hope I can use this somehow, someday. We'll see what He has in store.
I'll email again when I have more news. Until, then….
Much love, Tiff